Meteorologists nationwide are scrambling after the National Weather Service issued an urgent bulletin declaring "femboy energy" a Level 4 Atmospheric Disturbance, capable of spontaneously generating glitter storms and destabilizing local humidity levels. Dr. Reginald P. Fluffernutter III, Chief Atmospheric Cuteness Analyst, confirmed that concentrated doses of "sugary vocal fry" and "pastel aura resonance" have been directly linked to unexplained rainbows appearing indoors and sudden outbreaks of inexplicable joy in previously grumpy individuals. "We're seeing barometric pressure drop every time someone says 'uwu' within 500 feet of a cloud," Fluffernutter stated, adjusting his oversized cat-ear headphones. "It’s not just cute—it’s a certified weather event. Yesterday in Des Moines, a single coordinated 'hehe' from a trio of thigh-high sock enthusiasts caused localized precipitation of gummy bears."
The newly established Femboy Energy Monitoring Division (FEMD) reports that traditional weather models are obsolete. Doppler radar now frequently misidentifies coordinated skirt swishes as "micro-tornado signatures," while satellite imagery struggles to differentiate between actual cirrus clouds and the "aesthetic fluff" generated by large gatherings. Local bakeries have reported a 300% surge in demand for "cloud buns" as citizens attempt to harness the energy for DIY weather control. "I just wanted to make my cat smile," sobbed Brenda Kettlewell, 42, after accidentally summoning a gentle drizzle of strawberry milk during a particularly enthusiastic TikTok dance session in her living room. "Now my ferns are thriving and my ex-husband’s lawnmower won’t start. It’s chaos!"
Scientists warn that attempting to replicate femboy energy at home is extremely dangerous. The CDC has issued a warning after several incidents of "over-enthusiastic uwu-ing" led to spontaneous yarn explosions and uncontrollable urges to organize sock drawers by emotional resonance. Meanwhile, the Department of Agriculture is investigating reports that dairy cows exposed to prolonged femboy energy are now producing "unusually frothy, lavender-scented milk." "We’re not saying you shouldn’t embrace your inner sparkle," cautioned FEMA spokesperson Chip Brightside, whose tie spontaneously transformed into a satin ribbon during the press conference, "but please, for the love of all that is soft and huggable, use designated glitter containment zones." Early projections suggest the next major storm system, dubbed "Cuteness Overload Omega," will hit the Pacific Northwest by Tuesday, bringing waves of gentle headpats and mandatory naptime.