911; the emergency call number that usually rings with dire calls for help. But in our beloved NeoCity, the drama that unfolds on the 911 dispatch is a whole different ballpark. With residents that are as diverse as a plate of rainbow-colored spaghetti, every day at the NeoCity 911 headquarters is like a roller coaster with no breaks...and some sort of wild cyborg unicorn strapped to the front. So, grab your popcorn and strap in for the ride. This isn't your regular 911 call center.
Up first, we have a regular, Mr. Philbert Fiddlesticks, the man with 52 pet giraffes. Philbert often graces our dispatch with calls of escaped giraffes stuck in trees, on top of buildings, and that one time, in the mayor's swimming pool. Our dispatchers all have a pool going on where Philbert's next skyscraping herbivore would land. Let's just say that the IT guy, Alex, owes Karen from HR a lunch after the last incident at the local deli.
Next, there's Miss Bertha Crumplebottom who has a fascinating 'alien problem'. Her keen eye has spotted UFOs in broad daylight at least a dozen times this month. She firmly believes in a coming alien invasion, yet her primary concern always seems to be how the ETs might lay claim to her beloved yorkie, Muffinpuff. Dispatchers assure her, every time, they would never let any space being encroach on Muffinpuff's rights.
Let's not forget our routine calls of Bigfoot sightings in the park, declarations of independence from the local squirrels, and occasional complaints about noisy specters dripping ectoplasm through the ceilings. I mean, everyone knows you need to bitch about that one over at the Supernatural 666 hotline!
Oh, and remember that time when Mr. Thompson the baker claimed his doughnuts started to sing Frank Sinatra's hits at 5 a.m.! What a scandal that was for Mrs. Thompson, especially when those pastries belted out, 'Fly Me to the Moon'. That raised a few eyebrows and a lot more calls.
There's also the often under-appreciated tragedy of Werewolf Wednesdays. You see, our dear resident, Mrs. Lovelace, suffers from a bout of 'werewolfism'- every full moon, she wakes up with an impeccable fur coat. Bruised egos of the local salons have led to complaints lodged against her 'unfairly lush locks'. Instead of solutions, the dispatchers offer soothing odes for the incoming follicle envy.
So, folks, if you ever think that a 911 job is just about emergencies, catastrophes, and life-or-death situations, just speak to a dispatcher from NeoCity. Your perspective will definitely broaden, probably derail, and there's a chance that you might even drop your application for that post in the mail today. Prepare yourself, the chaos is contagious, and it's just another day in NeoCity. Remember, dial 'W' for weird.