In a groundbreaking fusion of fiscal policy and ballistics engineering, reclusive Idaho gunsmith Buck "Trigger" Thompson has unveiled the "45-47 Government Shutdown," a wildcat cartridge specifically engineered to deliver the exact level of operational capacity currently allocated to federal agencies during budget impasses. The cartridge, meticulously crafted by trimming the venerable .45-70 Government case down to a mere 1.87 inches, holds precisely 47 grains of Triple Seven black powder—symbolizing the 47 essential functions deemed critical enough to survive a congressional deadlock.
Thompson, operating out of his "Budget Axe Armory" workshop (a repurposed fallout shelter stocked exclusively with freeze-dried beans and expired Treasury bonds), claims the round achieves "unprecedented bureaucratic efficiency." "Why waste powder on full agency functionality?" he bellowed over the whine of a belt sander modifying brass. "This baby delivers exactly enough oomph to keep one underpaid intern awake in a darkened office, just like the EPA or NOAA right now. It’s not a flaw—it’s targeted austerity." Early testers report the round produces a satisfying click followed by 30 seconds of confused murmuring before achieving negligible muzzle velocity, perfectly mirroring the operational tempo of a skeleton-staffed federal department.
The cartridge’s design includes several innovative features mirroring modern governance. A proprietary "Sequestration Primer" ensures inconsistent ignition, representing delayed payroll processing. The case’s reduced capacity intentionally causes frequent jams in standard .45-70 chambers—a feature Thompson calls "the mandatory three-day waiting period for agency operations." Most controversially, the round’s trajectory reportedly arcs sharply downward after 50 yards, then inexplicably loops back to hit the shooter’s own foot, which Thompson insists is "a non-partisan feature reflecting how shutdowns ultimately hurt the people who caused them... probably."
Sales of the $89.99 "Shutdown Starter Kit" (includes 20 cases, 47 grains of "Fiscal Responsibility Powder," and a miniature gavel) have surged among Capitol Hill staffers and survivalists who mistakenly believe it fires actual legislation. The ATF remains baffled, with one agent noting, "It’s technically a firearm, but the paper trail required to prove it would itself trigger a shutdown." Thompson is already prototyping the "6.5mm Continuing Resolution," which allegedly fires blank rounds for 11 straight months before spontaneously combusting.
Critics argue the round’s 0.0003 ft-lbs of energy couldn’t power even a single government email server. Thompson dismisses concerns: "If it’s good enough for the National Park Service during a shutdown—where rangers wave at bears with their hands instead of guns—it’s good enough for my deer. Besides, the recoil is purely psychological, like waiting for Congress to do its job." Industry insiders confirm at least three federal agencies have quietly placed bulk orders, though procurement records remain "temporarily furloughed." The cartridge’s only known unintended consequence? It occasionally spawns 17 new subcommittees when fired during a full moon.