New Study Confirms Octopuses Are Aliens Among Us

Jun 21, 2023, 3:00 AM

Scientists have discovered shocking evidence that suggests the tentacles on octopuses may not be from this planet. In a new study published today, researchers from the prestigious Thomas J. Watson School of Natural Sciences have identified a series of peculiar traits present in these cephalopods that could only have alien origins.

The main clue pointing to the extraterrestrial nature of octopuses is their unusual genetic code. Thanks to their unrivaled ability to regenerate limbs, these creatures possess a set of genes that are completely unheard of on planet Earth. "We were baffled when we first analyzed it," confessed Dr Jane Grace, lead researcher on the study. "There is no known explanation for the presence of these genes on Earth – they are not part of any known organism's genetic code. They appear to have landed here from somewhere else."

Further evidence comes from the octopus’s astounding intelligence – they are known to be among the most cognitively advanced creatures on the planet. Unlike other intelligent animals, however, the cognitive abilities of these cephalopods seem to defy evolution. "The knowledge and skills present in octopuses simply cannot be explained through gradual adaptation," explained Dr Grace. "We believe they must have been transplanted, in some form, from another planet."

Outrageous as this may sound, the notion of space-invading octopus should not come as a complete surprise to anyone. In fact, octopuses have long been associated with extraterrestrial life in popular culture – from the many tentacled creatures of Japanese anime to the menacing intergalactic villain in the 2009 sci-fi comedy "Paul."

As news of this study circulates, many conspiracy theorists have been quick to suggest that octopuses may be working with extraterrestrial forces to infiltrate human societies. There is, however, no evidence to support this claim, with scientists insisting that octopuses simply represent an entirely new branch of life – one that could teach us much about the complex interplay between genetics, intelligence, and environment.

Meanwhile, animal rights activists have voiced concerns that these findings could lead to unethical treatment of octopuses, who they argue should be treated with respect and admiration. "Octopuses are not aliens, they are beings with their own unique histories and cultures," argued Dr Helena Pearce, a professor of animal ethics at Cambridge University. "We should not exploit their differences for our own ends – we should celebrate them."

Whatever the implications of this groundbreaking study, one thing is certain – the world will never look at octopuses in quite the same way again. From their mesmerizing, shape-shifting abilities to their dazzling array of camouflage techniques, these otherworldly creatures continue to fascinate and astound – and you can be sure that researchers will be keeping a closer eye on them than ever before.

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.