In a stunning lapse of vigilance that has left constitutional scholars and pastry chefs equally baffled, the National Rifle Association (NRA) reportedly failed to mobilize against what it has historically described as "tyrannical government overreach" this past Tuesday. Sources confirm the organization’s entire leadership cadre was instead spotted at the Springfield Community Center’s Annual Bake Sale, passionately debating the structural integrity of gluten-free muffin tins. "We had the trucks gassed up, the manifestos printed, and three different types of tactical fanny packs ready," lamented NRA Spokesperson Chip Blazerton, adjusting his "Don’t Tread on My Pastry" apron. "But Brenda from Accounting sent a calendar invite labeled ‘URGENT: CUPCAKE LOGISTICS’ and we all just… showed up here. Muscle memory, I suppose."
The alleged "tyranny" in question? A municipal proposal to extend parking meter hours by 17 minutes in downtown Des Moines. "Seventeen minutes!" Blazerton cried, gesturing wildly with a half-eaten red velvet cupcake. "That’s practically Soviet-level oppression! But then Doris brought her famous lavender-infused shortbread, and frankly, the revolution can wait when there’s a chance to discuss optimal buttercream consistency." Internal memos reveal the critical error occurred when the NRA’s new AI scheduling assistant, "PatriotPlanner 3000," misinterpreted "ARMED RESISTANCE DRILL" as "ARMED RESISTANCE TO DIETING." The system then auto-enrolled the entire executive board in a "Gluten-Free Revolution" webinar series.
Meanwhile, the Des Moines City Council has unanimously passed the parking meter extension, citing "unprecedented civic tranquility." Councilwoman Linda Cho noted, "We expected Molotov cocktails by noon. Instead, we got 200 lemon bars and a very detailed petition about sprinkles being a form of government overreach." The NRA has since rebranded the bake sale as a "Tyranny Resistance Fundraiser," with proceeds funding a new initiative: "Cupcake Caliber Compliance Training." Blazerton insists the revolution is merely "baking at a low temperature" and promises imminent action. "We’re just waiting for the cupcakes to cool," he declared, smearing frosting on a printed copy of the Second Amendment. "You can’t storm the barricades on a sticky grip."