Pineapple on Pizza Activists Blamed for Terrorist Squirrel Attacks
In an unexpected turn of events, the infamous pineapple on pizza activists have been accused of orchestrating a series of terrorist squirrel attacks. The attacks are said to have taken place in various locations around the globe, with reports flooding in from New York to Tokyo.
According to anonymous sources, the activists are taking their love for the controversial pizza topping too far by using innocent squirrels as pawns in their fight for acceptance. Eyewitnesses claim to have seen the activists training the squirrels in remote woodland areas, in preparation for the attacks.
The squirrels have been trained to target individuals who dare to utter words against pineapple on pizza. Victims have reported being ambushed by a gang of vicious squirrels, who appear out of nowhere and launch a coordinated attack. The squirrels are said to be armed with tiny, razor-sharp pizza cutters and have been known to go straight for the jugular.
Experts are warning that this is just the beginning, and that the activists are becoming increasingly radical in their quest for culinary domination. Some fear that the group may resort to even more extreme measures, such as training flying squirrels to drop pineapple bombs on unsuspecting civilians.
The crisis has prompted a global response, with governments around the world calling for an end to the violence. The United Nations has gone as far as to declare pineapple on pizza a human right, in hopes of easing tensions between the rival factions.
Pizza lovers around the world have been divided in their response, with some pledging allegiance to the pineapple cause, while others condemn the use of violence as a means of promoting a pizza topping.
Regardless of where you stand on the issue, it is clear that the situation has spiraled out of control. We can only hope that a peaceful resolution can be reached before the squirrel attacks escalate any further.
