Putin Confirms Creation of On-Sofa Russian Forces: A New Era of Comfortable Defense

In a shocking move, Russian President Vladimir Putin has announced the creation of a new branch of the Russian military: the On-Sofa Russian Forces. This unprecedented development marks a significant shift in the country's defense strategy, prioritizing comfort and relaxation over traditional military might.

According to sources close to the Kremlin, the On-Sofa Russian Forces will be comprised of highly trained soldiers who will be stationed on plush, ergonomic sofas strategically located throughout the country. These sofas will be equipped with state-of-the-art entertainment systems, gourmet snack dispensers, and advanced massage technology.

The primary objective of the On-Sofa Russian Forces will be to defend the nation from the comfort of their sofas, utilizing advanced remote-control technology to operate drones, cyber warfare systems, and other cutting-edge military equipment. This innovative approach is expected to significantly reduce the physical and mental strain associated with traditional military service.

"We recognize that the modern soldier requires a more relaxed and comfortable environment to perform at their best," said Putin in a televised address. "The On-Sofa Russian Forces will be the most advanced and formidable military force in the world, all while enjoying the comforts of home."

The Russian government has allocated a substantial budget to equip the On-Sofa Russian Forces with the latest in sofa technology, including advanced reclining systems, built-in mini-bars, and personalized entertainment systems.

Critics have raised concerns about the effectiveness of the On-Sofa Russian Forces, citing the potential for distractions and decreased productivity. However, Putin remains confident in the abilities of his soldiers, stating, "Our soldiers are highly trained and motivated individuals who will stop at nothing to defend their country, even if it means doing so from the comfort of their sofas."

As the world watches with bated breath, the On-Sofa Russian Forces are set to revolutionize the face of modern warfare. One thing is certain: the era of comfortable defense has officially begun.