In a twist that will evade no one, it seems that the road to ecclesiastical eminence is as twisty and turny as... well a twisty-turny thing. But fret not my would-be doyennes of divinity, for through the murky mire of personality profiling, The Wibble has emerged from the catacombs of research with a sacred scroll: the top 5 Myers-Briggs personality types most likely destined for a bishop's baton.
First on the list, in a twist as surprising as the church choir's annual rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody," are the ESTJs, aka "The Executives." These stalwart sentinels of structure and discipline run their lives like an ancient canon law – with little room for improvisation (hence, Bohemian Rhapsody minus the extended guitar solo!).
ESTJs, with their love for tradition and hierarchy, fit snugly into the Church's heavy robes, engraved thrones, and genuflecting congregations. Step aside, Pope Francis, cone-shaped hats are in again! The only sticking point for our execu-bishops? Feathers aren't practical. And cassocks need more pockets. A lot more pockets.
Closely following, unexpectedly scoring higher than the seemingly saintly INFJs, are the ISTJs, dubbed "The Inspectors." These heaven-bound hall monitors have a penchant for pausing the Holy Communion line to ensure each worshipper has sufficiently cleansed their hands – you can't compromise on hygiene, even when it comes to eating transubstantiated bread.
Their steadfast dedication to rules (and knack for remembering every breach since the Last Supper) makes them ideal candidates for when the Church needs someone to organise the Holy sock drawer. Unruly members of the flock, beware: ISTJ bishops can smell a sinner from a mile away. Or at least a Hermes scarf not appropriately color-coordinated with the liturgical season.
Emerging at number three are the Guardians of the Chapel, the ESFJs, or as they prefer to be called, "The Caregivers". These angelic, choir-robe-wearing, cookie-baking dynamos ensure that every Sunday service is less an exercise in morality and more an episode of "Great British Bake-off: the Communion Edition".
A church featuring an ESFJ in charge can expect much gaiety, as these bishops are renowned for their skills in parish potluck planning and turning water into great, socially responsible, single origin, locally sourced, fair trade coffee. Miracles do happen, my friends.
In a surprise twist that has unleashed pandemonium in the pews, INFJs, colourfully referred to as "The Counsellors", found their serene countenances pushed to fourth place. The issue? Turns out that 'turning the other cheek' and 'always forgiving' may not play out as effective strategies in the cutthroat world of holy appointments.
Last but not least comes the wildcard, the ENTPs, dubbed "The Visionaries". They've got progressive ideas, like live-streaming confessionals (privacy settings securely in place) and VR Heaven visits – talk about experiencing Paradise before your time!
In conclusion, whilst many may cite location (read: presence of a cathedral), years in the monastic business, or even mastery of the church organ as crucial to one's rise in the ecclesiastical ranks, our analysis has revealed that the road to righteousness might be more personality-based than previously thought. Bear in mind that while these MBTI types boast an edge, divinity doesn't discriminate. Whether you're an ENFP dreamer or an INTJ mastermind, there's room for all in the hallowed halls. After all, they're quite spacious – heavenly architecture has a thing for tall ceilings.