Road-Crossing-Chicken Revelation: Theoretical Physicists Redefine Laws of Poultry

The notion of self-aware roadways able to transverse notorious fowl is one that has puzzled scientists for centuries. Finally, after years of research and investigation, a team of top-notch theoretical physicists have conclusively determined that it is, in fact, the road that is crossing the chicken and not the other way around as was previously thought.

This shocking revelation came from researchers at CERN, known for their work with the Higgs boson particle and other universe-altering topics. Dr. Helga Feathersworth, head of the project, explained that they were able to observe the phenomenon using a combination of advanced imaging technology and a high school coop student who thought saying 'the chicken crossed the road' was funny the first time, but was later diagnosed with an acute form of monotony mania.

The scientists took to the chicken yard equipped with their state-of-the-art technology in one hand, and a pencil and paper to draw mustaches on the bird's faces with the other. They positioned themselves near a busy intersection where dozens of skateboarding bullies came flying by yelling 'the chicken crossed the road!'. After many hours of observation, the team finally had their 'eureka' moment.

Feathersworth revealed the secret to their discovery saying, 'It’s simple really. How else would have we been able to record the most minuscule of movements needed for our observations? We had to find a way to sloooooowwww time. It was the only logical conclusion we could come up with.' Another team member, Dr. Billy Bob Jones, added, 'The effects of the slowed time had to be seen to be believed. Every spectator in the vicinity came out of it thinking quite differently about the causality between road and chicken, or as we now refer to them, the associate and the associate-ee.'

To celebrate their groundbreaking findings, the team threw a big 'gypsy would have crossed the chicken' party complete with a tarot card reading, tea leaves, and of course, a BBQ where all the 'associates' were invited.

As for the chicken, their fate is still uncertain, but there is speculation that a big, beautiful statue in honor of their road-crossing skills will be constructed. However, Dr. Feathersworth seemed less convinced, stating, 'Oh, I doubt it. But, then again, I'm no fortune teller. I just know my poultry.'

For more information, curious readers are encouraged to pause and listen for the passing vehicle on their street. For those unable to perceive this feat, Dr. Feathersworth suggests reading a book on the topic, titled 'Theory of Relatively Crossing Roads: A Guide to Chicken Physics.'

In conclusion, the road-crossing-chicken revelation proves that even the most complicated scientific puzzles have a solution, albeit an absurd and comical one. As we end this announcement, the chicken became truly immortalized, not by any statue, but by the return of one of the mustached pranksters who had scurried away before getting caught dropping the egg on his head and proudly proclaimed: “The chicken crossed the road. Get it? Because it's the chicken that is crossing, didn't you read the news? The road is crossing the chicken, not the other way around!” And with that, the feathered adventurer disappeared from our sight, leaving behind laughter and a new mystery begging to be solved.