Sep 18, 2023, 9:55 AM
In an era dominated by modern technology and the desire to find 'true love,' we've seen dating sites evolve from the simple, 'swipe right if you find my blurry selfie attractive'-type, to realms as intricate as compatibility charts based on your favorite potato preparation method. But, now, there's a new player on the block that truly piques one's curiosity. Meet "Stains of Love," an exclusive platform for bed wetters, because, according to its creator, "incontinence knows no boundaries."
The 'dam' behind this unique reservoir of pee-rfect matches is Amy Schentzer, a proud bed wetter, who, after a lifetime of waking up to soggy sheets, found her 'pond prince' in the moist oasis of love. Amy spent decades sheepishly admitting her 'nighttime waterfall phenomenon' at speed dating events and parties, usually drawing a mixture of confused stares, sympathy, and amazingly, the odd moment of solidarity.
One such moment of solidarity led her to her soulmate, Jack, another nocturnal Niagara, who too spent most of his life battling the conundrum of 'to pee or not to pee in bed.' However, he found it more disheartening when his potential partners found his penchant for nighttime tinkle more troublesome than titillating.
"Incontinence can be a deal-breaker for most," said Jack, casually flinging a pee-detecting UV light around. "People tend to overlook all your qualities when you say you might accidentally turn their Tempur-Pedic into the Pacific.”
It was in their shared experiences of rejection and their mutual appreciation for all things absorbent that Jack and Amy found romantic solace. And thus, "Stains of Love" was conceived, an exclusive platform that brings together a niche community of individuals who regularly roast marshmallows around the 'damp camp.'
But how does a dating site for bed wetters function? Well, the real question here is, how wouldn't it excite its members?
"We focus on what brings our users together," Amy enthusiastically explained. "Despite the nature of the website, romantic connections on here blossom through shared experiences, not shared bed pads. Our algorithm matches people based on how they handle their nocturnal sprinkling, what kind of pajamas they prefer, their strategies for 'that allergic reaction to water'-talk, and of course, their favorite absorbency grade for bed protectors.”
One user joyfully shared, "On our first date, I passed my new flame a gift-wrapped package and said, 'I got you the super absorbent pads; apparently, they now come in scented versions.' You should've seen how their eyes sparkled like a well-hydrated man seeing an unoccupied restroom."
Another user, more candid, declared, "It's like ‘Damp Harmony’ down here. Everyone knows the first rule of Fight Club; in our case, it's, everyone wets the bed. And there's something oddly comforting about that.”
Maybe it's the transparency, or perhaps it's the promise of no longer waking up shivering and alone. Either way, Amy has managed to turn a situation that can often dampen spirits into a lighthearted platform that empowers its members to embrace their afflux-affliction and find someone who truly understands what it means when they say, "Trust me, it's not you. It's bladder you."
In conclusion, it remains clear that Stains of Love is doing some groundbreaking work here, proving that love does conquer all - including bedwetting. As Jack commented while doing the laundry at 3 AM, "There's a surprising amount of love in those stains. You just need to look beyond the wet spot."
This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.