The Supreme Court of the United States has just made a groundbreaking decision which has sent shockwaves through the country. In a unanimous vote, the highest court in America has ruled that individuals who duct tape tubs of lard to their bodies cannot legally identify as obese.
The decision comes after years of debate within the fitness and fashion communities about whether duct-taped lard should be considered a valid form of body fat. Some individuals have even touted it as a new and innovative way to lose weight, claiming that the heat generated by the lard helps to burn off excess calories.
However, the Supreme Court has put a stop to this trend, ruling that duct-taped lard is not an acceptable form of body fat. In a statement released by the court, they argued that the use of duct tape to attach the lard to one's body was both dangerous and unsanitary.
"Obesity is a serious issue in this country, and we cannot condone any activity that encourages individuals to endanger their health in order to appear thinner," the statement reads. "The use of duct tape to affix tubs of lard to one's body is both unsanitary and dangerous, and we cannot allow it to continue."
The ruling has caused controversy among those who promote the use of duct-taped lard as a weight loss aid. Some have even gone so far as to threaten legal action against the Supreme Court, claiming that the decision is a violation of their rights.
However, many others have welcomed the ruling, arguing that it is an important step in the fight against obesity. "It's about time that we started taking this issue seriously," one nutritionist commented. "The use of duct-taped lard is not only dangerous, but it's also incredibly ineffective as a weight loss method. This ruling will hopefully discourage others from attempting it."
As of now, it is unclear what the future holds for duct-taped lard. Will it be banned altogether, or will it remain a legal yet frowned-upon practice? Only time will tell.
