In a revelation that has left the global dating scene in utter disarray, a recent study by the International Institute of Imaginary Science (I3S) has confirmed what many have feared but dared not articulate: girls have indeed become extinct. This shocking discovery comes after years of extensive research, involving numerous failed attempts at securing dates, missing socks, and disappearing phone chargers.
The lead researcher, Dr. Fictitious N. Fabricated, elaborated on the findings during a press conference held at the institute’s underground bunker, decked out entirely in pink camouflage. 'It appears that the female species, much like the dodo bird, has quietly vanished from the face of the Earth,' Dr. Fabricated stated, adjusting his glittery monocle. 'We attribute this phenomenon to a combination of factors, including climate change, the rising popularity of avocado toast, and the mysterious allure of reality TV shows. More importantly, we've noticed a direct correlation between their disappearance and the global increase in the production of scented candles.'
As panic ensues among single men worldwide, the I3S suggests a few unconventional solutions to the dilemma. 'We recommend adopting cats, perfecting your sourdough bread recipes, and engaging in spirited debates with yourself as viable coping mechanisms,' Dr. Fabricated advised. 'Additionally, for those who still hold out hope, we'll be launching a soon-to-be-viral social media campaign titled #BringBackOurGirls, complete with a series of TikTok dances designed to lure any potential hidden females out of obscurity.'
However, the disappearance of girls has had some unexpected benefits, according to the study. For example, global snack supplies have witnessed an unprecedented boost, and bathroom queues have all but vanished. Moreover, the world has seen a significant uptick in the quality of video game graphics, as developers now have ample time to perfect their craft, absent the distractions of dating.
In conclusion, while the extinction of girls may seem like a bleak scenario for the dating world, it opens up a world of possibilities for snack aficionados and video game enthusiasts. Whether or not the #BringBackOurGirls campaign will reverse this curious trend remains to be seen. In the meantime, men are encouraged to explore new hobbies, such as identifying rare plant species or mastering the art of making homemade pickles. As Dr. Fabricated so eloquently put it, 'In times of crisis, one must always look on the bright side - especially if it's illuminated by an artisanal candle.'
