It's the question that has plagued parents for years: why does Blaze, the monster truck, need a driver, while all of his monstrous friends can operate just fine on their own? Well, fear not, because our crack investigative team here at The Wibble has uncovered the shocking truth. Hold onto your preschooler's sippy cups, because you won't believe what we found.
You see, while Blaze might be the star of the show, he's hiding a dark secret. Our sources have confirmed that Blaze is actually a human abductor. That's right, you heard it here first. While the rest of the monster machines are content to run amok in their colorful world, Blaze has been snatching up unsuspecting humans and holding them captive in his engine compartment.
We know what you're thinking. How did Blaze manage to keep this a secret for so long? Well, it turns out that Blaze is surprisingly good at covering his tracks. For one thing, he's made sure that his driver--a hapless, unsuspecting human--is always in the cab while he's carrying out his dastardly deeds. And for another, the monster machines' world is so chaotic and frenzied that nobody has really stopped to question why Blaze needs a driver in the first place.
But fear not, concerned parents. Our team has put together a handy guide to help you spot the signs that your child might be at risk of being abducted by Blaze. Keep an eye out for the following red flags:
Your child becomes unnaturally obsessed with monster trucks
Your child insists on playing with Blaze toys exclusively, despite the fact that there are plenty of other monster machines to choose from
Your child starts talking about how they want to go for a ride in Blaze's cab "just like the humans on the show"
You hear strange noises coming from your child's toybox at night, accompanied by the sound of a tiny, muffled scream
Now, we know what you're thinking. Isn't this all a bit ridiculous? After all, Blaze is a cartoon character. He can't actually abduct humans...right?
Well, we hate to break it to you, but there's more. Our sources have informed us that Blaze isn't the only cartoon character who's been up to no good. It turns out that Paw Patrol has been hoarding all of the world's tennis balls in an attempt to corner the market. And don't even get us started on Peppa Pig's ties to the Illuminati.
So there you have it, folks. The world of children's cartoons is a dark and twisted place, full of schemes and machinations that would make even the darkest noir film look like a Disney movie. But don't worry--we'll be here to keep you informed every step of the way.
