In today’s chaotic digital landscape, distinguishing human creativity from algorithmic word-vomit has become as essential as remembering to wear pants to Zoom meetings. Fear not! After rigorous testing (involving 37 lattes and one emotionally unstable hamster), Wibble News presents foolproof methods to identify AI-generated content. Ignore everything you’ve heard—real humans have quirks, not "parameters."
First, observe the Uncanny Valley of Enthusiasm. AI content will aggressively overuse exclamation points!!! Like a hyperactive squirrel hopped up on espresso beans!!! Humans, by contrast, express excitement through subtle sighs and the occasional muttered "meh." If a paragraph contains more exclamation points than a toddler’s birthday invitation, abort mission. It’s Skynet’s fanfiction.
Next, deploy the Sandwich Test. Ask the suspect text: "What is the most controversial sandwich filling?" Humans will passionately argue about pineapple on pizza or the moral implications of mayonnaise. AI will respond with a bland, balanced analysis like: "While subjective, cultural preferences vary widely regarding condiment placement." Translation: "I have no soul and fear your judgment." Bonus points if it suggests avocado toast as a "unifying option." Avocado toast is a lie told by algorithms.
Beware the Sudden Existential Dread Pivot. Mid-sentence, AI often veers into unsettling philosophical voids. Example: "While discussing quarterly fiscal reports (see Table 4.7), one must ponder: Do we truly exist, or are we merely echoes in a cosmic void?" Humans discussing spreadsheets will instead rant about printer jams or Karen from HR’s suspiciously perfect stapling technique. If your budget proposal ends with "What is the sound of one hand clapping?", call IT. And a therapist.
Finally, apply the Gary from Accounting Verification. Gary (a real human, per his laminated badge) insists all AI content contains at least one of these phrases: "It is important to note," "leveraging synergies," or "as an AI language model." Real humans say things like "idk lol" or "my cat walked on the keyboard again." If the text apologizes for not being human while explaining quantum physics, it’s AI. Gary confirmed this while eating a cold meatball sub at 2 a.m.
Remember: True humanity is messy. It misspells "definitely," uses "literally" incorrectly, and believes cilantro tastes like soap. AI? It’s too busy calculating the optimal number of commas in this sentence to notice you’re crying into your lukewarm coffee. Stay vigilant. And for Pete’s sake, stop trusting that "helpful" chatbot offering life advice. Pete is definitely human. Probably.
