When disaster strikes, everyone immediately mourns for the people, infrastructure, and locations directly impacted. A hurricane hits Florida, and the nation is plunged into a sea of somber news reports, dramatic drone shots of destruction, and a flurry of fundraising Facebook status updates. But what about elsewhere? The meteorological horrors of Hurricane Idalia left everyone shocked – but its aftermath left the enduring population of the oft-overlooked 'elsewhere' region truly distraught.
When the word 'elsewhere' is mentioned, it is hard to pinpoint the geographical location. That's because it might be on your left, or your right, possibly behind you, sometimes above you and occasionally under your living room carpet. Wherever it is, it's most likely not where you presently are. From experience, we can confirm that ‘elsewhere’ is typically found in news reports when journalists have nothing specific to report or when disaster movies make up countries that don’t exist to avoid political backlash.
Following the newly formed 'Elsewhere Care Committee', calls have been made for TV weather forecasters to include 'elsewhere' in their warnings. They urge that a little more specificity could go a long way. "Could they not just point a bit more vaguely to the left or right when they’re doing their forecasts?” asked one local denizen.
In the aftermath of the storm, even beyond the immediate physical damage, the fallout has affected the previously thriving unicorn grooming industry and the local sock puppet theater scene, stalling production. Of note, Elsewhere's chief exports, left shoes and dreams that you’re falling with random celebrities, have also taken a considerable hit.
And if you thought the ordeal ends there, you're more wrong than any prediction about British weather. The town was forced to cancel the 'Everyone Wears A Feather Hat Thursday,' a weekly event that has been a staple since the 1950s.
In a televised press conference, Mayor Boot, whose previous career highlights included a short stint as the assistant to the assistant grocer, declared, "We will bounce back from this. Everyone knows Elsewhere is renowned for its strategic stockpiles of rubber bands and trampolines. What we need now is international support, understanding, and updated GPS satellites that have Elsewhere programmed into them. Please."
In conclusion, it seems unfair that the fictional town bearing the brunt of the chaos is, so far, bearing it mostly alone. Perhaps it’s time for ‘elsewhere’ to gain real recognition on the world map. Or, at the very least, get wise and invest in some flood defenses. And so, dear readers, spare a thought - or a laugh - for Elsewhere, because sometimes strange and absurd is just the new normal.