The Wibble — 2025 Special Edition

(where facts plead for help and logic goes on vacation)


Trump throws 79 km birthday parade: tanks, balloons, and discount coupons

Washington, June 14 — President Donald Trump simultaneously celebrated the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army and his 79th birthday in a combo parade stretching 79 kilometers (“one for each year, and one for each ego,” the press office clarified).

M1 tanks parked at drive-thrus to collect a patriotic Big Mac each.

The military band played Happy Birthday in F# minor “to sound more victorious.”

An F-35 jet wrote “COVFEFE 4EVER” in the sky. Confused tourists thought it was an Independence Day promo with free shipping.

A parade with tanks, balloons, and a skywriting jet spelling 'COVFEFE 4EVER'


Blue Ghost lands on the Moon, finds open Wi-Fi, forgets the password

Crisium Crater, March 2 — Firefly Aerospace’s lunar module successfully landed, opened its maps app, and found a Wi-Fi hotspot named “NeilLeftTheRouterOn.” Technicians on Earth spent six hours trying to remember if the password was “onegiantLeap!” or “Armstrong_1969.” Result: the first interplanetary tech support call in history, answered by a robot that told them to “turn the Moon off and on again.”

Lunar module on the Moon with a Wi-Fi signal icon and technicians scratching their heads


iOS 26 “Liquid Glass” bends reality and your knees

Cupertino, June 10 — Apple unveiled the new “Liquid Glass” design, which is so fluid it literally drips off the screen if the device reaches 42 °C. Features:

  1. Apple Intelligence — now suggests dad jokes that make Siri blush.

  2. Dynamic Island Resort™ — turns the Dynamic Island into a travel agency with packages to Pluto.

  3. Eco-Emoji Mode — replaces words with a single green leaf emoji to save vowel carbon emissions. Price: your remaining dignity + $1999. Dongle sold separately.

A smartphone with liquid glass screen dripping, surrounded by eco-emojis and a virtual travel agency interface


Canada loses Prime Minister, posts ad on Craigslist

Ottawa, January 6 — After Justin Trudeau announced plans to resign, the government posted:

“Wanted: charming person, speaks cute French, can tolerate 9-month winters. Benefits: unlimited maple syrup.”

Top applicants so far:

  • A moose with a diplomacy degree.

  • Ryan Reynolds dressed as Deadpool.

  • ChatGPT with its politeness filter turned on.

A moose in a suit, Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, and a computer screen with polite AI text


BRICS adds Indonesia, graphic designers panic over new acronym

Johannesburg, January 6 — The original acronym no longer fits on PowerPoint slides. Proposed solutions:

  • BRICS² (but “²” doesn’t print on old printers).

  • BRICS&Co (sounds like a hipster café).

  • League of Economic Justice (DC Comics already filed a lawsuit).

Meanwhile, economists agreed: “The more letters, the bigger the pie chart.”

A pie chart with too many letters, graphic designers in panic, and a hipster café sign


NATO plans 5% GDP defense spending, looking for a limitless corporate card

The Hague, June 25 — Leaders agreed to increase defense spending. The open question: who will approve the expense report at the end of the month? Popular suggestions:

  • File everything as “working lunch” on Concur.

  • Use Estonia’s airline miles.

  • Break into 48 interest-free payments, as long as Russia agrees to cover the first installment.

NATO leaders with calculators, a limitless corporate card, and a stack of expense reports


Earth’s earthquakes, fires, and other dystopias: planet requests airplane mode

Tibet shook, Myanmar rocked, California burned. According to geological sources, Earth considered a reboot but couldn’t find the “vibrate off” button. Experts recommend updating the planet’s firmware to Gaia 4.5 before lifetime support expires.

A globe with a 'reboot' button, surrounded by natural disasters and a tech support hotline


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This article is 100% satire. Any resemblance to reality is reality’s fault.

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