As Earth's premiere satirical news platform, The Wibble has conducted extensive research to uncover the top ten misconceptions that aliens have about humans. These are the assumptions that extraterrestrial beings are making about us that will have them rolling on the floor of their spacecrafts with laughter.
Humans Worship Cats Aliens might be surprised to learn that not all humans worship them as gods. Instead, they have a peculiar obsession with creatures known as "cats". These feline companions are often treated better than humans themselves, receiving endless amounts of affection, food, and toys. Humans will do anything to please their cat overlords.
Humans are Addicted to Social Media The average human spends hours of their day scrolling through social media, consuming endless amounts of information. Aliens might wonder how humans have time to do anything else when they're always staring at their screens. But for humans, social media is life - they use it to communicate, entertain themselves, and even form their political beliefs.
Humans Can't Survive Without Coffee Aliens might be confused as to why humans are always carrying around cups filled with a brown, bitter substance. But for humans, coffee is the elixir of life. It gives them the energy they need to get through their busy days and fuels their endless meetings and social engagements.
Humans are Obsessed with Trends What's in vogue today might be out of fashion tomorrow - and humans wouldn't have it any other way. They're always looking for the next big thing, whether it's a new diet, clothing style, or way of thinking. Aliens might wonder how humans keep up with all the changes, but the truth is that they love the challenge.
Humans are Easily Distracted Squirrel! Sorry, where were we? Oh right, humans are incredibly easily distracted. Whether it's a flashy advertisement, an attractive person, or just a thought that pops into their head, humans will drop what they're doing to pursue the distraction. It's a miracle they ever get anything done.
Humans Love to Complain From the weather to their jobs to their significant others, humans love to complain. It's almost as if they derive pleasure from airing their grievances and seeking validation from others. Aliens might wonder why humans don't just fix their problems rather than complaining about them, but complaining is just too much fun.
Humans are Afraid of Silence Humans seem to constantly need to have noise around them - whether it's music, television, or their own voices. Aliens might wonder why humans are so afraid of silence, but the truth is that it makes them uncomfortable. They need sound to distract them from the thoughts in their heads.
Humans Believe in Strange Things From ghosts to Bigfoot to conspiracy theories, humans believe in all sorts of strange things that have no basis in reality. Aliens might shake their heads in disbelief - until they learn about human religions, which are just as bizarre and all-encompassing.
Humans are Easily Offended It doesn't take much to offend a human - in fact, they seem to go out of their way to find offense in everything. Aliens might wonder why humans aren't more thick-skinned, but humans seem to thrive on outrage and expressing their opinions on the internet.
Humans Think They're the Center of the Universe Despite all evidence to the contrary, humans seem to believe that they're the most important beings in the universe. They believe that Earth is the only planet with intelligent life and that everything revolves around them. Aliens might be surprised to learn that humans are just a small speck in the grand scheme of things.
There you have it, aliens - the top ten misconceptions you have about humans. We hope this has been enlightening and entertaining for you. And remember, if you ever decide to visit Earth, bring plenty of coffee.