History has a tendency to be a little dull. After all, how exciting can a bunch of old dates stuffed into textbooks really be? That's where historians come in. They're tasked with taking the mundane and spinning it into a thrilling yarn worth telling. Sadly, not everyone is up to the task. Here are the top 10 worst attempts to make average moments of history interesting.
The thrilling account of a traffic jam in medieval Europe. Picture this: horses and carts, slowly making their way down a dusty dirt road, all while trying to avoid one another. Sounds exhilarating, right? Well, one historian thought so, and thus penned a full three chapters on the subject.
The riveting tale of paint drying in ancient Egypt. Forget book burning and the mysteries of the Sphinx. One historian took it upon themselves to wax poetic about the drying times of paint used in Egyptian tombs. Spoiler alert: it's a lot longer than you think.
The nail-biting story of a guy waiting for his pizza to arrive during the Roman Empire. Hungry for lunch? Well, back in ancient Rome, ordering in was just as stressful as it is today. At least, that's what one historian would have you believe.
The epic tale of a woman knitting during the French Revolution. While the peasants were revolting, one woman decided to take up a peaceful pastime: knitting. That, apparently, was enough to warrant a whole chapter in a history book.
The heart-pumping account of a man's sleep schedule during the Industrial Revolution. You know what the world needs more of? Discussions about sleep patterns. At least, that's what one historian must have thought when they penned an entire essay on a man's sleeping habits during the Industrial Revolution.
The white-knuckled story of a tea party gone wrong during colonial America. You thought the Boston Tea Party was exciting? Well, one historian decided to up the ante by spinning a tale of spilled tea and broken porcelain that will leave you trembling.
The adrenaline-fueled account of a man waiting in line during the California Gold Rush. Can you feel the excitement building up inside you? That's because you're about to read all about a man waiting in line during the California Gold Rush. Spoiler alert: it wasn't very exciting.
The edge-of-your-seat saga of a man lost in the wilderness during the pioneer days. Wilderness survival is thrilling, right? Well, not in this case. One historian must have been scraping the bottom of the barrel to pen an entire chapter about a man lost in the wilderness during the pioneer days.
The awe-inspiring tale of a man walking down the street during the Renaissance. Art, culture, architecture – oh my! But forget all that, because one historian decided the most interesting thing about the Renaissance was a man taking a leisurely stroll.
The nail-biting story of a woman baking bread during the Middle Ages. Flour, yeast, water – oh my! One historian surely had their priorities straight when they decided that the most interesting thing about the Middle Ages was a woman baking bread.
There you have it, folks – the absolute worst attempts to make average moments of history interesting. If you're ever feeling bored, just remember: it could be worse. You could be reading about a guy waiting in line during the California Gold Rush.