Top 13 Weirdest Devices That Run *DOOM*, Ranked by How Loudly They Whisper “Because We Can”
In a rational society, DOOM is a 1993 video game you install on a computer, play for a bit, then spend the rest of your life remembering the chainsaw sound any time you pass a gardening aisle.
In our society, DOOM is a benchmark, a religion, and—most importantly—an excuse to glue wires to household objects until they render a demon at 7 frames per week.
Below are the top 13 weirdest devices that (allegedly, spiritually, or with enough interpretive charity) run DOOM. Some are engineering triumphs. Some are crimes against matter. All of them are proof that humanity looked at the stars and thought, “Yes, but can the stars run E1M1?”
1) Quantum Computer
The future arrived, and we immediately asked it to simulate hell.
There are many legitimate reasons to build a quantum computer: pharmaceutical discovery, climate modelling, breaking encryption, understanding the universe. Naturally, the first thing anyone with access to one does is attempt to load DOOM and then claim it “runs simultaneously in all possible states,” which is a polite way of saying it crashes in dimensions we haven’t invented yet.
In a quantum DOOM run, you are both alive and dead until observed, at which point the machine collapses into the one reality where you were trying to strafe and accidentally opened the menu.
2) Potato Computer
The agricultural revolution has entered its software phase.
The potato computer is the purest expression of “I heard you can run DOOM on anything.” Not because it’s practical—because it’s spiteful. The potato does not compute so much as becomes involved in computing, like a passive-aggressive roommate.
The fact that even a modestly wired-up tuber can participate in a DOOM conversation is a miracle of science, or perhaps a warning from God.
3) SSD Controller
Nothing says “progress” like storing a horror shooter on the thing that stores everything else.
Running DOOM on an SSD controller is the engineering equivalent of discovering your fridge has opinions. These controllers are meant to quietly manage data, wear levelling, and other invisible acts of service. Instead, we taught them to draw imps.
It’s a bold statement: Your storage medium is now also a gaming platform. The next logical step is your tax return running Quake out of spite.
4) A $6 Toaster
Breakfast, but make it infernal.
The cheap toaster DOOM port is the kind of innovation that makes you understand why aliens never visit. A toaster’s job is to warm bread, not to render a shotgun. And yet here we are, standing in a kitchen, staring at a small display jammed between two levers, thinking: “This is normal.”
Somewhere, a designer is weeping into their CAD software.
5) Printer
Because nothing screams “1993 violence” like a device best known for refusing to print page 2.
Printers already have the processing power of a moderately resentful raccoon and the temperament of a cursed artifact. Running DOOM on one feels less like a technical achievement and more like a containment breach.
Also, it’s the only platform where the phrase “I’m out of cyan” can genuinely be responsible for your death.
6) Car
The road to hell is paved with firmware updates.
Modern cars are computers with seats. Therefore, it was inevitable someone would “temporarily” replace a dashboard display with DOOM. This is usually framed as a harmless stunt, though it does raise questions like:
Should a vehicle be capable of rendering a demon?
Should it be possible to die in DOOM while stuck in traffic, and have both experiences feel identical?
Car manufacturers insist their infotainment systems are “safe and user-friendly,” which is true—until they’re hosting a speedrun.
7) TV Remote
Finally, a use for all those buttons you’ve never pressed.
If you can run DOOM on a TV remote, you can run it on anything that has:
a microcontroller
a screen (optional)
and the human drive to humiliate the concept of “intended purpose”
The remote port is also the only version of DOOM where “pause” and “mute” feel like tactical combat options.
8) Minecraft Redstone Computer
If you can build a computer inside a game, you can build DOOM inside the computer inside the game.
Minecraft redstone computers are impressive, terrifying constructions that turn a peaceful block-building game into a doctoral thesis in pain. Running DOOM on one is basically performance art: you’re not playing DOOM, you’re making a philosophical point about obsession.
By the time it boots, you’ve aged noticeably. Your character has a beard. Your actual character has also grown a beard.
9) Magnifying Glass
The most Victorian way to play DOOM.
This one deserves respect purely for its commitment to drama. A magnifying glass “running” DOOM is usually less “software executing” and more “light being weaponised into computation,” which is the most dangerous sentence science has produced since “let’s see what happens if we combine these two chemicals.”
It’s like playing DOOM through pure sunlight and audacity. Exactly as id intended.
10) The “Missing Entry” (Also Known as: A Spreadsheet)
You skipped number 10, and the universe noticed.
In a proper ranking, a missing number creates a hole in reality. Nature abhors a vacuum; nerds abhor misnumbering. So we’re filling the gap with the most spiritually correct entry: DOOM running in a spreadsheet.
Because if there’s one thing that should host demon-slaying action, it’s the same tool used to calculate quarterly earnings and decide layoffs.
Nothing says “work-life balance” like alt-tabbing from budget forecasts to shooting a cacodemon in cell B7.
11) Cardboard Box
Minimalism has gone too far and wrapped around into genius.
The cardboard box DOOM setup is a reminder that, with enough creativity, you can turn packaging into a platform. Is the box itself computing? No. Does that stop anyone from calling it “DOOM on a cardboard box”? Absolutely not.
It’s the tech equivalent of putting a hat on a dog and calling it a CEO. Which, to be fair, is also happening.
12) Lab-Grown Neurons
The absolute most troubling way to get 30 FPS.
At some point, “can it run DOOM?” stopped being a joke and started becoming a question we should maybe ask an ethicist before attempting.
Lab-grown neurons—biological computing—represent a frontier where science meets philosophy and then both of them back away slowly. “We taught living neurons to play DOOM” is not a sentence that belongs in a healthy civilization. It’s the opening line of a cautionary tale narrated over ominous strings.
On the bright side, this version is the only one that might feel something when you miss a health pack.
13) A Smart Fridge
Because if anything should run DOOM, it’s the appliance that already judges you.
Smart fridges already have screens, internet connections, and an unearned sense of authority. They recommend recipes. They remind you to buy milk. They glare at you at 2 AM while you eat shredded cheese out of the bag.
Adding DOOM is just completing the transformation: from kitchen appliance to domestic overlord. Now it doesn’t just track your groceries—it tracks your kill count.
Also, the cold air really adds atmosphere to Hell.
Conclusion: The Only True Requirement Is Human Determination (And Mild Recklessness)
What have we learned from this list? Not how to improve society. Not how to cure disease. We’ve learned that human ingenuity is infinite, and it will always be used first to make a toaster do something it was never meant to do.
And if you’re wondering what device is next: yes, it’s probably your doorbell. Or your toothbrush. Or a very confident rock.
Because somewhere, right now, someone is looking at an object that should not run DOOM and thinking the three most dangerous words in engineering:
“Give me a minute.”