Trump Appoints Elon Musk as ‘Secretary of Dogecoin,’ Vows to Build Moon Base Using ‘Savings from Not Paying Taxes’

In a surprise press conference held at Mar-a-Lago’s newly constructed “Hall of Financial Genius,” former President Donald Trump announced Elon Musk as his unofficial “Secretary of Dogecoin,” a role created to fund a lunar colony using “the magic of meme money and leftover change from couch cushions.”

“Elon’s a guy who gets it. He knows rockets, he knows crypto, and most importantly, he knows how to make the libs cry by turning their lattes into rocket fuel,” Trump declared, gesturing to a visibly bemused Musk, who was seen mouthing “What is happening?” to an aide holding a Shiba Inu wearing a tiny SpaceX helmet.

The proposed “Freedom Moon Base Alpha” would allegedly be financed entirely through Dogecoin transactions and “strategic tax avoidance.” Trump claimed the plan would save taxpayers “bigly” by redirecting IRS funds into “lunar golf courses” and a space hotel called Tremendous Stardust Suites. “We’re gonna mine moon rocks, print Doge on them, and sell them to China. It’s untapped potential, folks—like my hair in a hurricane,” he added.

Musk, for his part, tweeted midway through the announcement: “Moon base logistics: 69% Doge, 420% rockets, 100% chance of dank memes. Also, buying Mars next week.” Analysts speculate the tweet was sent via Neuralink implant while he was asleep.

Critics argue the plan has flaws, such as “the moon not accepting cryptocurrency” and “physics.” Undeterred, Trump promised to “negotiate gravity down to 1970s prices” and replace NASA’s logo with a hologram of his face. Meanwhile, Musk has already begun testing a prototype lunar rover modeled after Tesla’s Cybertruck, which reportedly got stuck in a Mar-a-Lago sand trap.

The announcement has sparked chaos in crypto markets, with Dogecoin briefly surpassing the GDP of Luxembourg before crashing after someone remembered it’s a joke.

When asked how the U.S. would claim sovereignty over the moon, Trump winked and said, “We’ll just say we found it first. Like Columbus, but with more NFTs.”

Lawmakers on both sides of the aisle have called the idea “bonkers,” “a distraction from subpoenas,” and “weirdly plausible.” Meanwhile, Musk has begun selling “DogeMoonBucks” tokens, redeemable for “one (1) virtual high-five from a space robot.”

This article was fact-checked by a team of highly trained hamsters. Accuracy not guaranteed, but the memes are fire.