Trump Claims He Could Extinguish North Carolina Wildfires "With Just One Tweet"

Former President Donald Trump made a bold declaration yesterday during a campaign rally in Asheville, North Carolina, claiming he possesses the unique ability to extinguish the state's devastating wildfires through his social media prowess.

"These fires, these terrible fires, nobody's seen fires like these before," Trump told the cheering crowd. "But I could put them all out with just one tweet. One tweet! The firefighters, they're great people, but they're doing it the hard way."

According to Trump, his proposed firefighting tweet would contain "the most powerful words" that would immediately cause the flames to "respect the authority" and "just stop burning." When pressed by reporters for details on this revolutionary firefighting technique, Trump explained that the tweet would be written in all caps "because fire understands strength."

Fire science experts have expressed skepticism about Trump's claims. Dr. Elaine Forrester of the National Wildfire Research Center noted, "While social media has many applications, commanding fires to extinguish themselves isn't one of them, regardless of how many followers you have."

Trump further elaborated on his fire management strategy, suggesting that the blazes were "probably started by immigrants" and that during his administration, "fires knew better than to get this big."

The former president also criticized the Biden administration's wildfire response, claiming that "under my watch, we had the wettest fires from the standpoint of water," before pivoting to complaints about wind turbines being fire hazards because "they're full of oil and they spin too fast."

North Carolina Governor Roy Cooper declined to comment directly on Trump's claims but thanked the thousands of firefighters and emergency personnel currently battling the blazes across the western part of the state.

At press time, Trump was reportedly drafting a tweet to address rising sea levels, which he believes he can reduce "by at least 15 feet" with the right hashtag.