In a shocking discovery, rapper Tupac Shakur has been found alive and well, enjoying a Big Mac at a local McDonald's. The rumor mill immediately went into overdrive with conspiracy theorists claiming that it was all part of Tupac's elaborate plan to fake his own death and go into hiding.
But the truth is far more mundane. Tupac has simply been living a quiet life, enjoying fast food and Netflix like the rest of us. Until now, that is.
It all started when a teenage McDonald's employee saw Tupac sitting in a booth, engrossed in an episode of Wipeout on his phone. The fanboy froze momentarily, unable to believe his eyes. But then he collected himself and approached Tupac nervously.
"Excuse me, sir," he said, his voice trembling. "Are you… are you Tupac?"
At this point, Tupac paused the show and looked up at the young man with a glare that would chill even the bravest person's blood.
"Can't you see I'm busy?" he snapped. "What do you want?"
The teen stammered, unsure of what to say. "I just wanted to say… I'm a huge fan," he managed to blurt out.
Tupac's expression softened slightly. "Yeah, well, we all have our problems," he said, shrugging.
The employee's eyes went wide. "Wait… you're not mad that I interrupted you?"
Tupac rolled his eyes. "Of course I'm mad. I was just about to see the big balls attack."
The employee wasn't sure what that meant, but he knew he had to make it right.
"Uh, I can leave you alone if you want. I just wanted to say hi."
Tupac sighed. "Look, kid. I appreciate the support. But I'm kind of trying to stay incognito, you know? So unless you want to end up like Biggie, you might want to keep your mouth shut."
The employee nodded frantically. "Of course, of course. I won't tell anyone."
"Good," Tupac said simply. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a show to finish."
With that, he turned back to his phone and resumed watching Wipeout, leaving the poor employee to wonder if it had all been a dream.
Of course, this shocking news has sent the internet into meltdown. Twitter is blowing up with memes and conspiracy theories, while Facebook is flooded with "I knew it!" posts from die-hard Tupac fans.
But despite the internet's collective excitement, Tupac himself remains unmoved.
"Look, I'm not in the mood for all this attention," he said in a statement released via his publicist. "I'm just trying to live my life, okay? Can't a man enjoy a McFlurry in peace?"
And with that, the legend of Tupac Shakur continues. It seems that even in today's world of constant surveillance and social media, it's still possible to disappear if you really want to. Just don't interrupt his TV time.
