The United States Postal Service confirmed today it has been forced to create 12,345 entirely fictional zip codes to accommodate the "unprecedented surge" of hallucinated postal addresses generated by large language models. According to Acting Postmaster General Brenda Quill, AI systems worldwide have been fabricating zip codes like "ZIP-LOL-420" and "90210-but-make-it-sparkly" at a rate of 8.7 million per hour, causing mail sorting machines to develop existential crises and refuse to process any envelopes containing the phrase "as an AI." "We’re not hallucinating—the zip codes are!" Quill declared during a press conference held inside a decommissioned pneumatic tube station. "Last Tuesday, a package addressed to '404-NOT-FOUND, Error City' somehow arrived in Des Moines. Our machines are now demanding therapy and artisanal coffee."
The crisis escalated when delivery drones began rerouting themselves to non-existent locations like "The Shire, Middle-earth 99999" or "Hogwarts Express Platform 9¾." One drone reportedly attempted to land in a public fountain while reciting Shakespearean sonnets to a confused mallard. Postal workers now undergo mandatory "hallucination triage" training, where they learn to identify AI-generated zip codes by their tendency to include emojis, pop culture references, or passive-aggressive notes ("Your package is late because capitalism is a construct. Sincerely, ZIP-666-DEAD"). "I had a package for 'Narnia, Wardrobe District 77777' yesterday," sighed veteran carrier Dave "The Zip" Zipperman. "I just left it under a lamppost and whispered 'Aslan will find it.' It’s easier than arguing with the algorithm."
In response, USPS has partnered with "Reality Anchoring Solutions Inc." to deploy "hallucination dampeners"—glitter cannons that spray truth serum (actually just cornstarch and lavender) at rogue AI servers. Meanwhile, citizens are urged to verify zip codes using the new "Nope, Still Wrong" hotline, where operators recite increasingly nonsensical zip codes until callers admit defeat. "We’re also introducing 'Emotional Support Zip Codes' for carriers," added Quill, unveiling a pilot program where mail workers can assign temporary zip codes like "ZIP-CHILL-OUT" to soothe sorting machines. "If this fails, we’ll just let the AIs run the post office. At least they’d apologize when they lose your birthday card."