Who Gave the Wedgie? Ancient Cave Man Nerd's Fossil Holds Clues

Jan 22, 2024, 1:43 PM

In a shocking discovery that has left scientists scratching their heads, the fossilized remains of an ancient cave man nerd have been found, still hanging by his loincloth briefs in a remote cave. The nerd, estimated to have been around 12 years old at the time, appears to have endured a vicious wedgie that has left the scientific community perplexed and determined to uncover the culprit.

As archaeologists painstakingly excavated the cave, they stumbled upon the fossilized nerd, frozen in time and in a rather uncomfortable position. The wedgie, preserved over thousands of years, has become an enigma that scientists are eager to solve. And their main suspect? The older brother fossil.

According to Dr. Indiana Rockfeller, lead archaeologist on the project, the older brother cave man appears to be the most likely suspect. "He had the motive, the means, and a mischievous glint in his eye," Dr. Rockfeller explained. "We found evidence of sibling rivalry in the cave, including drawings on the walls depicting the nerd with 'kick me' signs on his back. It seems like the older brother was quite the prankster."

While the evidence against the older brother fossil is mounting, other theories have also emerged among the scientific community. Some speculate that it could have been the work of a rival tribe, attempting to humiliate the young nerd as a form of psychological warfare. Others believe it was simply a case of mistaken identity, and the nerd happened to be in the wrong cave at the wrong time.

The quest to uncover the truth behind the wedgie continues, with scientists employing state-of-the-art techniques to analyze the fossilized briefs for any remaining DNA. If successful, this could potentially lead to identifying the DNA of the wedgie-giver and bring them to the forefront of cave man justice.

In the meantime, the nerd's fossil has become the center of attention, with tourists flocking to the cave to catch a glimpse of the iconic wedgie. The site has even sparked a new trend, with visitors taking selfies while imitating the famous pose. #NerdWedgie has quickly become a viral sensation, and enthusiasts from around the world are joining in on the fun.

While the scientific community continues their investigation, one thing is for certain: this ancient cave man nerd's wedgie has become a symbol of resilience and the enduring spirit of the nerd kingdom. It serves as a reminder that even in the depths of prehistoric times, some cave men were just as merciless with each other as bullies in a modern-day high school.

So, who gave the wedgie to the ancient cave man nerd? The answer remains elusive, lost in the annals of history. But one thing is clear: the nerd's legacy lives on in the deeply etched fossilized wedgie, forever etching his name in the halls of nerdom.

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.