In a move that has left the world scratching its collective head, Wibble News has boldly declared independence from Britain, tea, sanity, common sense, sobriety, decency, practicality, virginity, industry, rationality, and propriety. This historic announcement was made on the 4th of July, a day traditionally associated with fireworks, barbecues, and the occasional rogue sparkler incident.
The declaration was read aloud by Wibble's Chief Absurdity Officer, who stood atop a giant inflatable teapot while wearing a suit made entirely of mismatched socks. "We hereby declare our independence from all things sensible and mundane!" he shouted, as a marching band played a discordant version of "Yankee Doodle" in the background.
The decision to break free from Britain and tea was met with mixed reactions. Some applauded the move as a bold step towards caffeine independence, while others lamented the loss of a perfectly good excuse for a mid-afternoon break. "What will we do without our 3 PM cuppa?" cried one bewildered Wibble staffer, clutching an empty mug.
As for sanity and common sense, Wibble News has long been known for its tenuous relationship with both. "We never really got along with those two," admitted the Chief Absurdity Officer. "They were always trying to ruin our fun with their pesky logic and reason."
Sobriety, decency, and propriety were also shown the door, much to the delight of Wibble's resident party planner, who immediately began organizing a 24-hour dance marathon featuring a DJ dressed as a giant banana. "It's time to let loose and embrace the chaos!" she declared, as confetti rained down from the ceiling.
In a surprising twist, virginity was also included in the list of things Wibble is declaring independence from. "We just thought it was time to let that one go," said the Chief Absurdity Officer with a shrug. "It's been hanging around for far too long."
Industry and rationality were the final casualties of Wibble's independence spree. "Who needs industry when you have imagination?" mused the Chief Absurdity Officer, as he attempted to construct a functioning rocket ship out of cardboard and glitter.
As the dust settles on this unprecedented declaration, one thing is clear: Wibble News is charting a course into uncharted waters, where the only rule is that there are no rules. So grab your mismatched socks, pour yourself a cup of irrationality, and join us on this wild ride into the unknown!