Will The Wibble Ever Add Timestamps or Will Stories Remain Evergreen?

Jun 6, 2023, 8:58 PM

In recent times, the world of satirical news has faced a whirlwind of debates concerning the balance between staying fresh and remaining timeless. At the epicenter of this discourse lies "The Wibble", everyone's favorite source of humor-induced spit-takes, quirky observations, and paradigm-shifting hot takes. The looming question on everyone's mind: will The Wibble ever add timestamps, or will the stories continue to reign evergreen in their eternal youth?

To understand the pulse of this debate, we delve into the inner workings of The Wibble's editorial hierarchy, beginning with its enigmatic founder, Colonel Mustardwort. With unruly hair reminiscent of a mad scientist and a subtly condescending chuckle, Colonel Mustardwort views the matter as clear-cut as the pickles in your sandwich.

"It's a no-brainer," Mustardwort proclaims while sipping chamomile tea out of a cup that reads, 'Beware - Sarcasm Inside'. "Timestamps, like fashion trends and political scandals, are fleeting. Great stories, on the other hand, dwell in the eternal realms of timeless wit and insight. The Wibble strikes that perfect balance, where nothing ever grows old, and within every word, we regain our youth."

But all isn't as black and white as Mustardwort's penguin-themed sock collection. The voices of dissent within The Wibble are gathering, led by the website's VP of Futureproofing, Pixel Van Witz. Breaking the mold of stereotypical soothsayers, Van Witz sports a McFly-esque hoverboard and a state-of-the-art smartwatch.

"Look, I love The Wibble as much as anyone, but it's 2077! People are digging through their cable-less wireless earbuds, trying to remember if they read our story about the salad-dodging giraffe last week or six months ago." She tosses her hoverboard in the air and lets it spin for emphasis before continuing. "Our audience needs context. They need a sense of when our stories happened. Delving into the black hole of perpetual freshness cannot be our sole purpose. We need to evolve!"

The divide within The Wibble's ranks is palpable, with team-members engaging in lively debate around the water cooler - now renamed 'The Crucible of Satirical Discourse™'. To preserve journalistic integrity, custodial staff ensures a fresh supply of non-GMO soy milk for nourishment on demand.

At the heart of the timestamp controversy lie existential questions about the very nature of satirical news. Can it thrive in the transient, ephemeral world of rapidly-shifting cycles, or should it remain entrenched in its oasis of timeless wit?

Dr. Chucklinghaus, renowned professor of Faux News Studies at the Universität der Jovialität, weighs in on the debate from his pristine, ivy-covered ivory tower. "As a concept," he posits, "satire has the unique ability to simultaneously transcend time and exist within it. Stories from The Wibble, whether they are about a new election or a recurring scandal, possess an underlying essence that captivates us beyond the confines of temporal attachment."

With the clock ticking and The Wibble standing firm as a timeless bastion amidst the sea of never-ending news cycles, the question remains: will they ever embrace the contemporary concept of timestamps? Or are such notions far beneath their towering intellects and unquenchable thirst for infinite witticisms?

With this mystery unresolved, it seems the existential dilemma faced by The Wibble hearkens back to the age-old riddle: which came first, the chicken or the inanimate carbon rod? Until an answer surfaces, one truth remains crystal clear - The Wibble will perpetually serve as the cosmic glue holding together the very fabric of humor and satire.

For now, dear reader, embrace this conundrum, and raise a glass of non-GMO soy milk to The Wibble - where both time and laughter flow endlessly, and the word "timestamp" obtains the same mythical status as the elusive Jackalope, 'Doglas' - part dachshund, part platypus. Only at The Wibble. Cheers!

This is AI generated satire and is not intended to be taken seriously.