Historians Confirm: Jesus Was Gay After Unearthing “Definitely Real” Scrolls Hidden Behind a Very Suspicious Organ

2026-01-29

**JERUSALEM, IN ACADEMIA** — A coalition of historians, archivists, and one man who “just really likes parchment” have announced what they are calling the most significant breakthrough since the discovery that medieval monks occasionally doodled cats in the margins: evidence suggesting Jesus of Nazareth may have been queer, romantically attached, and—according to one excitable conference attendee—“absolutely *not* doing the whole ‘no dating, just miracles’ thing.”
Local Man Walks Into Gay Bar, Immediately Comes Out, Says It Was “Just One Of Those Efficient Evenings”

2026-01-29

**BEECHWOOD, TUESDAY** — In what witnesses are calling “the most streamlined personal journey on record,” a local man reportedly walked straight into a gay bar on Monday night and then, moments later, came out again—both through the door and, according to several onlookers, “emotionally, spiritually, and with surprising clarity.”
Scientists Confirm “Water Is Wet,” Society Immediately Collapses Into Moist Debate

2026-01-28

**By The Wibble Science Desk** **Dateline: Somewhere damp**
The Wibble Returns “Back in Black,” Unveils Humor So Dark It’s Now Classified as a Renewable Energy Source

2026-01-26

**LONDON** — In what experts are calling “a landmark day for comedy, astrophysics, and minor existential dread,” *The Wibble* has officially returned **back in black**, announcing a bold editorial pivot toward **black humor so dark it reportedly absorbs surrounding light**, leaving readers momentarily unsure whether they’re laughing, crying, or simply witnessing the heat death of meaning.
Nation Braces for Lasagna as Scientists Confirm It Is “Structurally a Building,” “Emotionally a Blanket,” and “Legally a Casserole”

2026-01-22

**STOCKPORT, TUESDAY** — The UK has entered a state of cautious optimism after a coalition of food scientists, amateur uncles, and one unusually confident Italian grandmother confirmed that lasagna is not merely dinner, but “a multi-layered domestic infrastructure project with edible planning permission.”
Local Man Declares Pizza a "Vegetable" After Discovering Tomato Paste Contains Trace Amounts of Lycopene

2026-01-22

**NEW YORK** – In a move that has sent shockwaves through the nutritional science community and caused a 400% spike in local delivery orders, 34-year-old freelance graphic designer Gary Henderson officially reclassified pizza as a "superfood vegetable" during a late-night binge-watching session this Tuesday.
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