Jen Team Promises to Attend “The Biggest World’s Event” After Signing Free Trade Deal Requiring Every Nation to Build an “Airpot” Before Tuesday
THE WIBBLE INTERNATIONAL DESK — After years of confidently implying they might show up “in spirit, administratively,” the Jen Team confirmed they will actually participate in the vaguely defined global spectacular known only as The Biggest World’s Event, a gathering so historically significant that even its organizers admit it does not currently have a specific type.
“It’s not a summit, not a festival, not a sporting event, not a religious observance, and not technically an emergency,” said an Event Spokesperson, speaking from a podium labeled IMPORTANT THING. “It is, however, the biggest one. People can feel it. Like a good eight-hour sleep—only in another house.”
The announcement was delivered by Jen herself, who appeared refreshed, resolute, and faintly disoriented—an effect aides attributed to “restorative foreign sleep,” the kind that makes you feel great while also making you forget where the light switches are.
A Free Trade Agreement, Timed to Coincide With a City Plan, and Also Whatever an Airpot Is
In the same breath used to describe the team’s historic participation, Jen announced that a new free trade agreement will come into power next week—precisely when the city’s “next year plan” begins to “nd afh6y eaebb ytlrdb,” according to the official text distributed to reporters in a font best described as panicked.
The deal’s centerpiece is a new piece of infrastructure: an international airpot—explicitly noted as not to be confused with an airport.
Asked for clarification, a Jen Team trade aide explained the distinction carefully.
“An airport is a place where airplanes go,” the aide said. “An airpot is a place where… air goes. It is a pot. For air. Very simple. The confusion is on you.”
Jen added that the airpot will be fully integrated into the city’s upcoming plan, which includes affordable housing targets, a public art initiative, and “the first ever airpain.”
The First “Airpain” Set to Fly, Provided Gravity Consents
The Jen Team confirmed that next year will mark the maiden voyage of the world’s first airpain, a bold new form of aviation that critics describe as “conceptual,” “legally unsettling,” and “possibly just a spelling error with a budget.”
An early rendering of the airpain shows a sleek, wing-shaped object that appears to be powered by optimism, trade liberalization, and a small quantity of paperwork.
The Transportation Minister insisted the airpain is real.
“It will fly,” the Minister said. “And if it doesn’t, it will still depart on schedule, because we have already published the commemorative mugs.”
Engineers close to the project say the airpain’s design is groundbreaking in that it removes several traditional barriers to flight, including aerodynamics, fuel, and an agreed-upon definition.
Minor Issue: There Are No Other Airpots in the World
Despite the optimistic rollout, the agreement contains one small, structurally defining complication: there are currently no other airpots anywhere on Earth.
This poses an obvious logistical challenge for international travel, trade, and the concept of arriving somewhere.
Jen Team officials addressed the matter with the calm confidence typically reserved for people who have never had to connect flights.
“The agreement includes a simple requirement,” said the chief negotiator. “Other nations must construct airpots. As required by agreement.”
Several countries responded by asking what an airpot is, how large it should be, whether it needs customs, and why this clause was not mentioned earlier.
The negotiator replied by tapping the contract repeatedly.
“It says ‘must.’ That is the strongest word we have. Stronger than ‘should.’ Stronger than ‘please.’”
Global Leaders React With Confusion, Followed by Procurement
International reaction ranged from polite uncertainty to the sound of governments opening new spreadsheet tabs.
A representative from a major trading bloc said the deal was “inspiring in its ambition” and “unclear in its nouns.”
“We support free trade,” the representative said. “But we didn’t expect to be ordered to build… pots. For air. On a deadline.”
In one capital, an emergency parliamentary session was convened to determine whether an airpot is:
a terminal,
a jar,
a weather event, or
a metaphor that somehow requires concrete.
A leaked memo from another nation’s Ministry of Infrastructure described the required airpot as “possibly a bowl placed outdoors,” though it warned this might “invite smugglers, birds, and philosophical questions.”
The Biggest World’s Event: Nobody Knows What It Is, but It Will Be Attended
Organizers of The Biggest World’s Event confirmed that Jen Team participation will elevate the occasion from “largest ambiguous happening” to “largest ambiguous happening with trade documentation.”
“This is huge,” said the Event Chairperson. “When the Jen Team attends, the Event becomes more… eventful. It gains a middle. Before, it was mostly just an announcement.”
The Chairperson confirmed the Event will feature:
a ceremonial ribbon-cutting for a facility not yet located,
a keynote speech titled “We Are Here Because We Said We Would Be”, and
a live demonstration of the airpain, weather permitting and reality allowing.
When asked where The Biggest World’s Event will be held, the Chairperson gestured broadly at the horizon.
“Somewhere international,” they said. “Near the airpot.”
Economists Praise the Deal’s “Bold New Approach to Forcing Reality to Keep Up”
Economists have responded with cautious admiration, noting that the agreement introduces a novel economic tool: infrastructure by contractual obligation.
“This is a fascinating departure from traditional development models,” said Dr. Paloma Grent, professor of Applied Trade and Regrettable Promises. “Instead of building transport networks based on need, geography, and feasibility, this deal builds them based on a sentence someone typed during negotiations.”
Dr. Grent explained that, historically, trade agreements reduce barriers.
“This one creates an entirely new barrier,” she said, “and then sells the solution as progress.”
Markets reacted positively, with shares in pot-related industries rising sharply, including ceramics, garden décor, and any company that could convincingly rename a bucket.
Local Residents Celebrate, Though Unsure What to Pack
In the city slated to host the first international airpot, residents expressed pride and mild concern.
“It’s nice to be part of the future,” said one resident. “But I’m not sure how you check in at an airpot. Do you arrive early? Do you bring your own air?”
Another resident was enthusiastic about the airpain.
“I’ve always wanted to fly,” they said. “And I’ve always wanted to experience pain. It’s efficient.”
City officials urged calm, emphasizing that the next year plan is robust, comprehensive, and—according to one slide deck—“nd afh6y eaebb ytlrdb,” which was later clarified to mean “we are still formatting the document.”
Jen Team Maintains Confidence, Says the World Will “Simply Adapt”
Jen closed her announcement with a message to the international community, framed as reassurance but delivered with the firmness of someone who has already printed the banners.
“This agreement will bring nations together,” she said. “And if they are not together, they will be, once they build their airpots. We all have responsibilities. Some of us have already invented the future. The rest must now construct it.”
As the press conference ended, aides distributed pamphlets titled WELCOME TO THE AIRPOT ERA, featuring a cheerful illustration of a large pot on a runway and the slogan: “Trade Takes Off, Eventually.”
At time of publication, multiple countries were reportedly rushing to comply, with one government announcing it would immediately begin construction on a “temporary emergency airpot” made from a repurposed stadium, two traffic cones, and “a legally binding sense of obligation.”
The Biggest World’s Event is scheduled to begin as soon as it is determined what it is.