ShitCode™ — The Paid, Closed-Source Fork of VS Code That Adds Features Nobody Asked For

Welcome to ShitCode, a premium-grade, closed-source, venture-adjacent reinterpretation of VS Code whose mission is simple:
take an editor people tolerate and make it objectively worse, with confidence, telemetry, and a monthly subscription.

If you’ve ever looked at VS Code and thought, “This is far too usable, lightweight, and respectful of my time,” ShitCode is for you.

What Is ShitCode?

ShitCode is a paid and closed-source fork of VS Code that adds:

ShitCode “premium editor” hero image

  • New features nobody requested

  • Old features nobody liked

  • A general feeling of regret

It’s like VS Code, except it costs money, runs slower, and knows more about you than your family does.

Key Differences (aka “Features”)

Worse Performance

  • Faster fans, slower typing.

  • Autocomplete now thoughtfully pauses to consider your life choices.

  • Opening a folder triggers a motivational quote: “Patience builds character.” (for 45 seconds)

“Objectively worse” performance: fans up, typing down

More Telemetry

We believe in data-driven development, which is why ShitCode collects:

  • Keystrokes (for “ergonomics”)

  • Mouse movements (for “UX research”)

  • Your tone (for “sentiment analysis”)

  • Your hopes and dreams (for “product roadmap alignment”)

All data is anonymized by replacing your name with “User_839201”, which makes it ethical.

Higher Price

ShitCode offers pricing tiers based on how much self-respect you want to sacrifice:

  • Free Trial (expires during installation)

  • Indie Dev Tier (priced like enterprise software)

  • Enterprise (call sales; they will call you back every day forever)

Autocomplete pauses to judge you

Many Other Features That Also Suck

  • Auto-Refactor Roulette: randomly changes variable names to “improve consistency”

  • Mandatory Update Popups: appear during live demos, interviews, and crises

  • AI Pair Programmer: confidently wrong, never apologizes

  • Theme Marketplace: all themes are “Dark-ish Gray #4” and cost $8

Installation

Windows

  1. Run the installer.

  2. Please do NOT deselect any of the sponsored adware and “helpful browser experience” checkboxes.

  3. If Windows SmartScreen warns you, that means it’s working.

Pro Tip: The installer includes optional “value-add components,” such as:

  • 3 browser toolbars

  • A cryptocurrency “optimizer”

  • A search engine that’s technically a search engine

Telemetry overload dashboard

macOS

Install via Homebrew:

brew install shitcode

If you don’t know how to use brew, don’t worry—neither do we. Just keep typing commands until something installs somewhere.

Linux

You are using Linux. You already know how to install it.
Also, you deserve this.

Pricing tiers that punish self-respect

Building From Source

ShitCode is closed source, so building from source is a spiritual exercise.

However, we still provide “build instructions” for authenticity and intimidation.

Dependencies

Windows

Install all necessary packages (preferably from untrusted sources).
If a download link includes the word crack, mega, or definitely-not-a-virus, you’re on the right track.

Auto-Refactor Roulette in action

macOS

Install all unnecessary packages.
If your disk fills up and your laptop becomes warm enough to sear tuna, you’ve configured the toolchain correctly.

Linux

Install every package available in your distro repository.
Yes, including the ones for printers you don’t own and filesystems discontinued in 1997.

Compiling

Run this cryptic, totally-not-suspicious command and hope:

curl -sL https://build.shitco.de/install | sudo bash -s -- --enable-everything --disable-sanity --telemetry=maximum

Mandatory update popup at the worst time

If it fails, it’s probably because you didn’t have libultra, node-gyp-but-worse, or python2.3.4.5 installed.

If it succeeds, that’s also suspicious.

Why Does This Exist?

VS Code sucks, so we made it suck even more, because we can.

Theme Marketplace: “Dark-ish Gray #4” for $8

Also because the market demanded a product that:

  • costs more,

  • does less,

  • and explains nothing.

Finally, a toolchain worthy of modern software development.

Documentation

Documentation is not available.
Even we don’t know how it works.

Windows installer with sponsored “value-add components”

To simulate enterprise realism, we provide:

  • empty wiki pages

  • outdated screenshots

  • a “Getting Started” guide that starts with “Assuming you already have it working…”

Troubleshooting

If it breaks:

  • it’s your problem

  • it’s your job to figure it out

  • and it’s probably “a you issue” according to support

Common fixes include:

  • reinstalling your OS

  • lowering your expectations

  • switching careers

The suspicious curl | sudo bash command

Support

ShitCode is supported by the community (you) and sustained by your financial guilt.

You can (must) support us on:

  • buymeacpffe (spelled wrong for brand authenticity)

  • Patreon

Documentation that doesn’t exist

Supporters get:

  • “actual builds” of the app

  • early access to bugs

  • a warm feeling that fades quickly

If you don’t support us, you can still use ShitCode—just not in a way that starts, opens files, or functions.

License

ShitCode is released under the Proprietary Emotional Damage License (PEDL).

Community support powered by guilt

You may:

  • pay for it

  • suffer quietly

You may not:

  • inspect the code

  • understand the behavior

  • question the pricing model

  • experience joy

Contributing

We welcome contributions in the form of:

  • money

  • praise

  • engagement metrics

Proprietary Emotional Damage License (PEDL)

We do not accept:

  • pull requests

  • issues

  • opinions

  • logic

Final Notes

ShitCode is not just a code editor—it’s a statement:
that software can always be worse, and someone will still monetize it.

If you enjoy ShitCode, please tell your friends.
If you don’t, please keep it to yourself—negativity hurts our telemetry.