Malevolent Squirrels Form Secret Society to Take Over the World
2023-05-31
The world has a new threat, and it comes in the form of cute and fluffy squirrels. Our investigative reporters have uncovered a secret society of malevolent squirrels plotting to take over the world. Find out how they plan on doing it and what their demands are. Will humanity survive this furry invasion? Read on to find out!
Breaking News: Evil Turtles Discovered in Local Pond
2023-05-31
Residents of a quiet suburban neighborhood were shocked to discover a group of malevolent turtles residing in their local pond. Eyewitnesses describe seeing the shelled creatures plotting and scheming, with one witness even claiming to have overheard them discussing world domination. Local authorities are urging caution when approaching the pond, as the turtles are believed to be armed and dangerous. Stay tuned for further updates as this menacing situation develops.
Stephen King Writes New Horror Novel Starring Turtles
2023-05-31
In a horrifying departure from his usual genre, Stephen King has penned a new novel featuring a group of sinister turtles. The story follows a scared couple who inherit a rundown turtle sanctuary and soon realize that their shelled tenants are more than they seem. With King's signature blend of suspense and gore, this is one book that will have you looking at turtles in a whole new light.
Universe disappears after someone finally figures out its true purpose
2023-06-01
In a shocking turn of events, the Universe has vanished moments after an individual claims to have discovered its true purpose. Scientists and philosophers alike are left scratching their heads as they try to comprehend the new, even more bizarre reality that has replaced our previous existence. Critics are already calling it the ultimate cosmic prank.
Local Programmer Has Mental Breakdown After Trying to Explain Endofunctors and Metaprogramming to His Cat While Eating Pancakes
2023-06-01
A hilarious look into the mind of a programmer who just can't seem to get his point across to his feline friend while enjoying a stack of fluffy pancakes. Will there be any hope left for him at the end of this hilarious ordeal?
The Monads Strike Back: A Tale of Loneliness and Code
2023-06-01
In this edition of 'Ask The Wibble', we delve into the world of programming and personal relationships. Our reader is feeling lonely because their monads won't talk to them anymore. Can they repair the bond with their code or is it time to seek human interaction? Find out in this hilarious and heartwarming story.
Breaking: Local Man Discovers the Solution to World's Problems with Cryptic Phrase
2023-06-01
In a stunning revelation that has baffled scientists and philosophers alike, a local man claims to have found the solution to all of the world's problems with a strange, cryptic phrase. 'A monad is just a monoid in the category of endofunctors, what's the problem?', he says, confidently. The Wibble investigates the validity of this claim and delves into the confusing world of category theory and functional programming. Stay tuned for updates on this breaking story!
New Substance Proven to be More Effective Than Hopium and Copium
2023-06-01
A breakthrough in the world of delusional thinking has been discovered: a new substance that makes hopium and copium seem like child's play. According to experts, this substance not only enhances positive thinking, but also creates a complete separation from reality. The implications of this discovery are staggering, as people can now have an even greater level of blind optimism to ignore the problems of the world.
Breaking the Code: An In-Depth Exploration of Metaprogramming and Endofunctors
2023-06-01
Get ready to have your mind blown as we dive headfirst into the world of programming jargon. This article will explore the complex concepts of metaprogramming and endofunctors in a way that even the most seasoned programmers won't be able to understand. But don't worry, it's all just a prank - this article is nothing but pure nonsense.
Scientists blame jiggly tectonic plates for earthquakes
2023-06-01
After years of research, scientists have finally identified the cause of earthquakes - and it's not what you might think. According to their findings, the tectonic plates are just really big fans of jelly potatoes, leading to all kinds of jiggling and wobbling. Stay tuned for more wacky scientific discoveries on The Wibble!
Feline Flatulence Frenzy: Cats Farted Their Way to Domination?
2023-06-01
A recent scientific study reveals that cats' flatulence might not just be a smelly nuisance, but a strategic tool they use to assert their dominance over their humans. Is your cat plotting world domination one fart at a time? The Wibble investigates.
F-15C Eagles Trade Camouflage for Rainbow Colors to Celebrate Pride Month
2023-06-01
In a stunning show of solidarity, F-15C Eagle squadrons across the US have ditched their traditional camouflage paint jobs for rainbow colors to celebrate the start of Pride Month. The move has been met with both support and criticism, with some calling it a bold and inclusive statement of support for the LGBTQ+ community, and others decrying it as a politically correct stunt. Either way, the sight of fighter jets soaring through the sky in a rainbow color scheme is not to be missed!
Sir Isaac Newton posthumously declared 'Deadliest Son of a Bitch In Space' by alien civilization
2023-06-01
After analyzing the impact of Newton's laws of motion on celestial bodies, an extraterrestrial race has dubbed the legendary physicist as the most dangerous entity in the universe. From now on, any spacecraft carrying a picture or mentioning Newton's name will be immediately destroyed. Will humanity survive this newfound space war?
Stephen King Announces Cujo 2: Cujo Hard With A Vengeance - Will It Live Up to the Bark?
2023-06-01
In a shocking announcement, Stephen King reveals his latest addition to the Cujo franchise, promising readers a paw-some adventure. But is the world ready for such a ruff sequel? Find out why Cujo Hard With A Vengeance might just be the bite that's worse than it's bark in our exclusive interview with the horror mastermind himself.
Breaking News: Astronaut Discovers That Horses Do Not Work in Space!
2023-05-31
While testing the effects of zero gravity on farm animals, a NASA astronaut tried to ride a horse aboard the International Space Station, resulting in a hilarious and awkward spectacle. In an exclusive interview, the astronaut reveals the challenges of equestrianism in space and the unexpected benefits of horse manure as a renewable energy source.
Giant Red Chicken Causes Commotion in Local Town
2023-05-31
Residents of a small town were left stunned when a massive red chicken was spotted roaming the streets. Eyewitnesses describe the bird as being the size of a small car with feathers as red as a fire truck. Authorities are currently trying to determine if this is a genetic experiment gone wrong or just a rogue farm animal on the loose. Stay tuned for updates on this developing story!
Stephen King Writes Satirical News Article About Daily Life
2023-05-31
In a surprising move, The Wibble's chief editor and famous horror writer Stephen King has taken on a new genre: satirical news. Using his trademark scare tactics, King has managed to turn everyday occurrences into terrifying events. From getting stuck in traffic to grocery shopping, King's twisted take on daily life is sure to leave readers in stitches (or possibly running for their lives). Don't miss this spooky new addition to The Wibble's lineup!
Chaos Erupts as Linux Source Code Leaked by Hacker Group
2023-05-31
In a shocking turn of events, the source code for the popular software operating system Linux has been leaked by an unknown group of hackers. Panic ensues as industry leaders scramble to assess the potential damage and find a solution to this unprecedented breach. Will the world's reliance on Linux be the downfall of our technological society? Find out in this exclusive report from The Wibble.
Linux Betrays Open Source Roots, Sparks Search for Alternatives
2023-05-31
In a shocking move, Linux has abandoned its open source principles and turned proprietary. But fear not, we have compiled a list of the top 10 open source alternatives to the former king of operating systems. Find out which one fits your needs and kiss Linux goodbye!
New Republic of Aveina Declares Independence from Europe!
2023-05-31
In a shocking turn of events, a group of rebels have declared the formation of a brand new country - the Republic of Aveina! Tucked away in the heart of Europe, this mysterious nation is making waves with its bold claim to sovereignty. We explore how this small group of revolutionaries plans to establish themselves in a world where nobody has ever heard of them before. Is this the birth of a new era in international relations, or just another case of overzealous separatist movements gone awry? Find out in our exclusive report.