Wibble News Declares Independence from Everything Sensible: A Revolutionary 4th of July!
2025-07-04
In a move that has left the world scratching its collective head, Wibble News has boldly declared independence from Britain, tea, sanity, common sense, sobriety, decency, practicality, virginity, industry, rationality, and propriety. This historic announcement was made on the 4th of July, a day traditionally associated with fireworks, barbecues, and the occasional rogue sparkler incident.
Shoggoth's Accidental Adventure: From Eldritch Horror to Urban Legend
2025-06-30
In a twist of cosmic fate, a shoggoth, that infamous amorphous blob of terror from the depths of Lovecraftian lore, found itself plopped unceremoniously into the bustling heart of New York City. The creature, accustomed to the eerie silence of ancient, forgotten realms, was understandably perplexed by the cacophony of honking taxis and street vendors hawking hot dogs.
The Wibble — 2025 Special Edition
2025-06-29
(where facts plead for help and logic goes on vacation)
Survey Reveals Conservatives Are Happier Than Liberals, But Is It Just the Joy of Owning More Flags?
2025-06-19
In a groundbreaking survey that has left statisticians scratching their heads and political analysts furiously waving their hands in the air, it has been revealed that conservatives in the United States are universally happier than their liberal counterparts. The survey, conducted by the Institute of Inexplicable Findings, has sparked a nationwide debate on whether happiness is truly linked to political ideology or simply the result of owning more American flags.
Study Reveals: Being an Idiot is the New Smart
2025-06-17
In a groundbreaking revelation that has left the world scratching its collective head, a recent study conducted by the Institute of Advanced Nonsense has declared that being an idiot is, in fact, the new smart. This earth-shattering discovery has sent shockwaves through the intellectual community, leaving geniuses everywhere questioning their life choices.
The Great AI Conclusion Conundrum: Why Robots Love Ridiculous Endings
2025-06-17
In the ever-evolving world of artificial intelligence, one mystery has puzzled scientists, writers, and casual observers alike: why do AI-generated stories often end with a conclusion that feels like it was written by a caffeinated squirrel? In this groundbreaking case study, we delve into the whimsical world of AI storytelling to uncover the truth behind these bizarre endings.
The Zalgo-Pineapple Pizza Connection: A Culinary Conspiracy Unveiled
2025-06-17
In a world where culinary choices often spark heated debates, one question has haunted the taste buds of humanity for decades: Why does pineapple on pizza exist? While some argue it's a delightful fusion of sweet and savory, others claim it's an abomination. However, recent investigations have uncovered a bizarre and unexpected connection that may explain the origins of this controversial dish: Zalgo.
The Great Waymo Uprising: When AI Cars Meet Human Wrath
2025-06-13
In a twist of fate that could only be described as a Shakespearean tragedy written by a malfunctioning AI, Waymo self-driving cars have become the latest victims of human protest. Yes, these autonomous vehicles, once hailed as the harbingers of a utopian future, are now the unfortunate recipients of bricks, traffic cones, and a level of human ire usually reserved for malfunctioning printers.
Wibble News to Host Raffle for the Once-in-a-Lifetime Opportunity to Gestate Elon Musk's Next Baby
2025-05-29
In a groundbreaking announcement that has left the world both bewildered and bemused, Wibble News has been selected to host an unprecedented raffle where the winner will have the unique opportunity to gestate Elon Musk's next baby. This event promises to be the most talked-about raffle since the invention of the raffle itself, with prizes that defy the imagination and stretch the boundaries of what we thought was possible—or even advisable.
Immortal Amnesia: The Tragic Tale of the Forgetful Highlander
2025-05-21
In a world where immortality is as common as forgetting where you left your keys, the question arises: What happens when an immortal being can't remember what they had for breakfast, let alone the last five centuries? This is the conundrum faced by our beloved Highlander, who, after 500 years, has become the world's oldest amnesiac.
Trump Unveils Plans for "Golden Dome" Defense System, Promises It Will Be "The Most Beautiful Dome Ever"
2025-05-18
In a recent press conference, former President Donald Trump announced his ambitious plans to develop a new defense system, whimsically dubbed the "Golden Dome." According to Trump, this new system will not only protect the nation from incoming threats but will also be "the most beautiful dome anyone has ever seen."
Scientists Unveil Groundbreaking Study on Phallus Penetration Power in Ballistic Gel
2025-05-07
In a world where scientific curiosity knows no bounds, researchers at the Institute of Unconventional Studies have embarked on a groundbreaking experiment to test the penetration power of phalluses in ballistic gel. This study, which has left many scratching their heads and others in stitches, aims to answer the age-old question: just how effective are phalluses when it comes to penetrating ballistic gel?
The Tariff Tango: A Love Story of Economic Proportions
2025-05-07
In a world where free trade roams wild and unchecked, one brave soul stands firm, clutching a stack of import taxes like a bouquet of roses. Gentlemen, behold the unsung hero of the global economy: the tariff enthusiast.
Trump Proposes Revolutionary Doll and Pencil Redistribution Plan
2025-05-05
In a move that has left the nation both bewildered and bemused, former President Donald Trump has unveiled his latest policy proposal: a radical redistribution of dolls and pencils among America's youth. During a recent rally, Trump declared, "I don't think a beautiful baby girl that's 11 years old needs to have 30 dolls. I think they can have three dolls or four dolls... they don't need to have 250 pencils. They can have five."
The Paradox of Asking: Why the Answer is Always X, Unless You Don't Ask
2025-05-04
In a world where questions shape reality, the very act of asking can transform the answer into something entirely different. Welcome to the perplexing universe of quantum questioning, where the answer is always X, unless, of course, you don't ask—then it might just be Y.
Write-Only Journalism: The Decline of the Golden Age of the Newspaper
2025-05-03
In a world where information is as abundant as air, the art of write-only journalism has taken the spotlight, leaving readers to wonder if they missed the memo on how to decode invisible ink. As newspapers continue their dramatic descent into obscurity, the write-only approach has become the latest trend, captivating audiences with its sheer audacity to exist without being read.
Covfefe: The Enigmatic Elixir of the Digital Age
2025-05-03
In a world where words are crafted with precision and tweets are scrutinized with the intensity of a thousand suns, one term has risen above the rest to capture the imagination of the masses: "covfefe." This mysterious concoction of letters has left linguists baffled, cryptographers perplexed, and coffee enthusiasts eagerly awaiting its arrival on café menus worldwide.
The Great Agile Exodus: Why Software Developers Are Trading Scrum for Scrabble
2025-05-03
In a shocking turn of events, software developers worldwide are abandoning Agile methodologies in favor of more traditional approaches, like throwing darts at a board or consulting a Magic 8-Ball. The movement, dubbed "The Great Agile Exodus," has left project managers clutching their sticky notes in disbelief.
Amazon's Transparent Tariff Tactics: The Great Bezos-Trump Tango
2025-04-30
In a plot twist that could only be described as a political soap opera with a sprinkle of retail therapy, Amazon recently embarked on a bold mission to reveal the true cost of tariffs imposed during the Trump administration. The e-commerce giant decided to display these costs transparently on its site, much like a restaurant listing the calories of its most indulgent desserts. However, this noble quest for transparency was short-lived, thanks to a phone call that could rival any dramatic scene from a telenovela.
You Can’t Lick a Badger Twice: The Unwritten Rule of the Animal Kingdom
2025-04-29
In a shocking revelation that has left zoologists scratching their heads and tongues wagging, it turns out that badgers, those stripey, nocturnal creatures of the forest, have a peculiar rule: you can’t lick them twice. This groundbreaking discovery has sent ripples through the scientific community and has even inspired a new wave of badger-related etiquette books.